Full Days

Oh my… I don’t want to sound like a broken record, always referring to sleep, but I will say, for me – sleep quality and quality of life are closely intertwined.

A few (yes, even just a few) good hours go a long way, friends.

This said, I’m pretty much out of gusto for this particular stretch, so please forgive the ongoing word jumble.

Today was full to the brim with unpacking, straightening, cleaning, planning, purging… The epitome of domestic productivity. Or at least a shining example. Or something.

Thankfully, my mom was on hand, or I suspect I’d have collapsed in an exhausted heap at 3pm. Instead, I’m up writing a blog post at 10:30pm in a state of perpetual drooping eyes and dreamy, heavy headed distraction.

Alas, the housework was necessary!

In addition to all that, I had an unexpected chat with a dear friend, who offered a reminder that we all (no matter how empathic or intuitive) live (and remember) shared experiences differently.

Life gives us what we need in the ways that we need it, I suppose, each experience adapting to our unique spirit and circumstance like a fitted glove.

I’ve thought long and hard on this today as I did more of the hard work of releasing and integrating and taking another step forward in this new direction. I think I referred to all of the changes this year as walking through small cycles of grief (interspersed with great joy, I must add), which I have come to accept as a natural part of growth, but which are still no small feat.

Whenever we let go of tightly held habits or beliefs or relationships or careers or, even on a most basic level, the stories that we have allowed to define us… They are each, in a sense, deaths that can afford us new perspectives (and opened doors) if we are willing to travel through the process – to really sit with each experience as a whole. I’m not downplaying loss of life, at all, but I am acknowledging the intensity that can sometimes arise when we humans embrace major (and minor) life shifts, even when separate from losing a loved one.

Of course, I fall on the “highly sensitive” end of the spectrum, so I suspect I should also acknowledge that, for me, life in general probably seems bigger, louder, faster, and more intense, overall, than it does for 80% of the population.

Yet, there is something to be said for seeing things for what they are, highly sensitive or not. For seeking clarity even when the world seems entirely muddled. For knowing ourselves as well as we possibly can and for acknowledging, even on the smallest scale, that every experience is an opportunity for learning and growth, even when it seems like absolute misery or nonsense. For remembering that sometimes things have to get worse before they get better, but they do get better.

And the most important lesson I’ve learned in the last nine months, on an even deeper level than I had previously known… Genuine kindness, true compassion, seeing and loving deeply at every opportunity… These are the things that really count, for ourselves and for others, no matter what flux we find ourselves in.

Perhaps this last bit seems a little random, but I can attest to the fact that, if when you feel lost or broken, confused or sad, or just sorely in need of any or all of those things, and try offering them up to yourself first, in whatever small ways you can muster, you might quickly find yourself in a very different place. Just try it. It can’t hurt. The very best part – what we cultivate within will naturally reflect outward, and the world surely needs more kindness. Always.

And, after all that, my arms feel like lead weights and I’ve absolutely no idea if any of the above made any sense at all… But I hope so, even if just a little bit.

Now, I shall send out wishes of deep slumber and sweet dreams for all, and plan to write earlier tomorrow!

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